As I was cruising around in my Jeep yesterday, enjoying this beautiful spring-like day here on the Jersey Shore, I did what most of us do when we get spring fever – I cranked up the tunes.

Lucky for me, my Sirius Satellite radio was kicking into high gear from the Stones to the Talking Heads on my drive to nowhere. (Yes, I am caught in a time warp of 70 and 80′s music thanks to stations such as Classic Rewind) However, as I made my way cruisin’ down by the beach, I heard some lyrics that have been playing over and over in my mind that I wanted to share with you.

Thinking along the lines of the content to blogs (that touch base on a life lesson or two) how many of us really show our “true colors?”

Really. I was thinking about this when I ventured over to some mellow rock station during my mid-day joy ride. As I was attempting to expand my hard-rock horizons,  I heard Cyndi Lauper so eloquently tell her story as to how to let it all hang out. This really struck a note with me (no pun intended).

Hmm.. Did Cyndi know something that I didn’t know? Then I started thinking, as we get older, our push and pull with ourselves begins.  Think of this as a modern day fighting match with two of you. (Think Animal House with the devil and an angel on your shoulder but the PG version.) There are two fighters. Fighter Number One – “who you think you should be” versus Fighter Number Two ” who represents who you are”.

Now, this could be the match of your life if you don’t start to recognize this battle of you against you.  Who wins? It’s up to you to  decide.

For some, this can be liberating experience with a “take me as I am” approach. For others, this just encourages more of the mentality of the better I look, the more I have, do, and appear to be, well, I guess, you could say the better I feel.  I like to call this the “Jane Jetson” state of being. Remember the Jetsons’ cartoon back in the 70′s?

I was fascinated by the sci-fi approach mixed with a Scooby-Doo feel for this Saturday morning cartoon. Too many times, as Jane Jetson used to do, and many of us still do (metaphorically speaking), we put up our mask when someone wants to chat via facetime. And, to take this a step further, think about all the masks we have as well as use when bouts of our insecurity creep up during our real time of our daily lives.

We get so caught up into the game of worrying about what others see, that we start to forget to see what WE see and what is truly there when we look in the mirror. Our vision gets more blurry as our lives progress and we start to become a reflection of what we think others see in us, and not who we truly are.

It’s as if we are on an “anti-authentic” campaign.

When is it okay and to embrace us for who we are – warts, wrinkles, receding hairlines (as well as bank accounts) and all?

I was thinking the other day about the aging process. Now, most of us, or at least I do, want to fight it tooth and nail with everything we got (within reason). My boot camp on the anti aging campaign consists of trips to Deans Market to go as organic and gluten free as I can, to a rather pricey membership to a gym (when I should be realistically running outside for free) to the latest skin creams slathered on my face twice daily.

Now, when is it okay, or dare I say, better than okay, to simply say, enough already!?

Shouldn’t we be training or embracing the thought of aging and acceptance in our minds as we get older, instead of dreaming of a nip, tuck or new Lexus to make us happy?

For me, true colors represent the rainbow of our lives. It is composed of the history that makes us who we are and the ability to take ownership of our crow’s feet and laugh lines, broken relationships and career failures.

For each bump we take or hurdle we jump, comes an ownership that only we can have, and no one else. And for that, we all should be proud. There is no better prism, in my book, as to the colors that each and every one of us has and the history that creates it.

I think there comes a time when we need to be gentler with ourselves, especially during times of change, to accept our authenticity and embrace that rainbow of our lives. That is what makes us who we are. And, it is so important to surround ourselves with people who encourage this state of authenticity.

For today, think about the components that make you unique from everyone else.

It could be anything – your kindness towards strangers, your love of animals, or the way your eyes light up when you hear a funny joke. No one has those true colors of yours.  Embrace them. Own them and at the end of the day, know that your light, I am sure, has been shared with many people who love and respect you for the wonderful person you are.

As for me, I can’t help but to imagine what Cyndi Lauper would do if she saw Mrs. Jetson hide behind her mask held up by a lollipop stick. For some reason, I think she would grab Jane’s hand, throw that mask into the trash and go out and have some fun.  Because, in the end, isn’t that what girls do?

Go ahead, follow your rainbow and show your true colors. Be the you that you were meant to be!

Keep the faith,

Patti

Napoleon Hill

It’s been fun following my friend, Todd Smith’s blog, on The Little Things Matter Fan Page. As he touches base day-to-day and week-to-week, he talks about how the little things we do each day really add up to great big achievements. For example, reminding someone who you love them or take an active part in really listening to someone when they are speaking, all of these small gestures really do add up to the large parts of joy we find in our lives.

I was thinking about this today when I sat down with my 13-year-old daughter Madison. After getting up early to get her ready to see a friend’s dance recital, I went downstairs, started the laundry, threw up a towel to her, and made a breakfast fit for a king. Bacon, eggs, toast, o.j. and with a special effect of lit candle to make it cozy. As she came down the stairs to come to the table, I was looking forward to spending some quality time with my most of the time M.I. A. daughter. Just as she was rounding to sit at the table, I hear not the words of jubilation that mom made breakfast, but, “Jeez, no cinnamon toast?” Then the dreaded heavy sigh escaped her lips.

Here we go again. I thought. However, as I took a step back and put a lid on my reaction, I reflected once again on the whole premise of little things matter. However, I took it a step further. Whose little things mattered? What were those small gestures of appreciation I was looking for?

The little things, I thought. These are the things that I want my kids to remember when they get older. The ice cream on the front porch on a rainy summer evening, laughing as I put them to bed thinking about our crazy cat Kayko with separation anxiety meowing at the top of his lungs, or being there when Jake’s undefeated football team loses in the last quarter and knowing exactly what not to say to make my son feel better, and so on. To say I was a bit disappointed to Maddie’s reaction is an understatement. In fact, be it that I didn’t have a caffeine buzz already, I may have just “up and went to bed.”

However, her reaction made me think. Was I overlooking HER little things? Was I expecting too much from her in what I wanted her to think of the little things I do for her? Maybe I needed a “little things” reality check and needed to look at the world not according to my little things checklist, but what the world’s or better yet, my kids.

So, I sat and thought for a minute or two after Maddie left and said she was sorry. She knew I was a little bummed when she ate her eggs missing her toast. Of course, I felt like I had “bad mom” written across my forehead and of course, I didn’t want my insecurities to be hers.

Now is my time to take “Little Things” inventory with my kids, as I have only been seeing what they haven’t been doing, rather than what they have been doing.

You know, as parents, much of the time we only see what isn’t done, rather than what is done. So, as a tribute to my kids and in “Little Things Matter” mindset, I am going to bullet item the stuff that my crazy teenagers do that matter.

• They say thank you for the little things. Rides, dinners on the table (okay, maybe not all breakfasts) but they definitely say thanks at times that surprise even me.
• They both have a great sense of humor – no matter how low things may get and how dreary the day, they always manage to make me laugh
• Their manners are terrific – it’s not unusual for strangers to say how polite they are when my son holds a door open for a stranger or my daughter to reach down and help an opposing team member up from the basketball court.

I could go on and on about how great my kids are as I am sure you could do the same, if you put your mind to it. The point is to notice their little things, the little gestures that they do each day to let you know that they love you.

With so much focused on moving forward, staying positive, etc., as I express week to week in my blogs, don’t forget to notice the people who do the little things that help support your quest for a better life. Notice not according to your rules what they are doing to make your life more enjoyable, but take a look outside the box and see how they are contributing to making a your world a better place (in their eyes.)

Maddie may have been upset I forgot the cinnamon toast this morning, but she does remind me every day what I am doing as her mom, matters.

Isn’t that the big picture? Notice the little things your kids do today that make your life grandiose.  And, don’t forget to thank them in a big way.

About five years ago, I was on a mission. I had a mission to change just about everything about my life – but in a good way. I wanted to go back to school, start a new job, work on the house, get involved more with the kids activities, take better care of myself and basically, revamp my life – like self-improvement on steroids. The intentions were good, the results were good, but it left me feeling, let’s just say, a little less than good.

To the outside world, I was on a mission prompted by a pretty life defining moment. Instead of playing the victim during a time in my life that I had not necessarily bargained for, I went full steam ahead jumping every hurdle like I was training for the Olympics. But, something funny happened along the way – I ended up falling behind in other ways.

I got a graduate degree, starting teaching at a local college, got used to the single life again, went full force with keeping my kids involved in sports and academics and feeling comfortable and safe with their new life, started running, taught myself how to drive a stick shift, learned how to ski, started a business, began teaching goal-setting seminars, trained in collaborative law and last but not least, went back to school (again) for a second graduate degree. Do I feel like Rocky? Not a bit. To tell you the truth, I am a bit embarrassed to see how unfocused I was and this is why.

After my divorce, I started to think by accomplishing “aesthetic goals” this would help me feel better, more on track and get me to a better place with my mind and my heart. I thought I could channel all of my energy in another direction, then I would be able to utilize all of my accomplishments as a means to feel better and counter those negative emotions I had during that time in my life.

To a point, this is true. I absolutely 100% agree that it is so important to set personal goals during tough times in your life as a way of counter-balancing the drama. However, there is a time to also reflect and not run so fast in the other direction and I think that is what I did, to a degree.

I don’t regret for a minute anything that has happened in my life since I am big believer in fate and the life lessons we learn from those tough times. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it hadn’t been for the bumps along the way. But, we have to acknowledge those bumps and learn from them – not run from them.

This is where the soul goals come in. Too many times, we are looking for an aesthetic fix to numb the pain when we are sad. We think by getting a new job, a new car, even a new grad degree will make us feel better. Sure, this can help present us with more opportunities in the end, but what is the big picture? Simply put, we all just want to feel more at peace, don’t we? At least I did.

I never took into account my soul goals. Those goals that make you feel more peaceful and more centered especially during crazy times in your life. These are the goals that most likely go to the wayside when times get tough. It took my five years to truly realize the importance of working on the inside out, when going through times of transition.

As a result, I got a bit burned out. I know, it is kind of funny. The coach with burn-out. I guess it’s like the mechanic with the broken down car. I was able to help everyone else but myself during this rather hypocritical time in my life. Hmm….if I could preach the word to everyone else, then what the heck is wrong with me?

I was so afraid to stop moving.

As a result, I needed to slow down and prove to myself that I wasn’t afraid to be with myself.

So, I would have o goals for the day. No to do lists, just me with myself and the soul goals that were floating in my mind. Let me tell you, it was a rather defining week last week.

Once I stopped moving and gave myself the “non-to do list”, I was able to think about the last five years-so much to be proud of, kids, work, family, friends, – there was no doubt in my mind that life was good. But, I realized that it’s the big picture that matters – the acceptance of who you are mixed with what brings you peace that is the key to this complex equation.

As I sit week after week encouraging you all to be the best you can be, don’t forget that you already are wonderful just the way you are.

Use my posts and blogs as encouragement and know that you have what it takes to live your best life. Just don’t get on the goal seeking/self improvement junkie bandwagon when you never feel like your good is not good enough, because it is.

Take a step back today from those big goals, whatever they are, and look inside and make sure you are tending to your soul goals. Be in soul alignment with yourself! Think about goals that nurture your spirit and give you permission to be the you that you were meant to be. So, on your “non to-do list” for the day is your first assignment: sit back and reflect today on how wonderfully terrific you already are. You deserve it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/beija-flor/313926881/

One thing I have learned over the course of my lifetime through much trial and error, is how important is it to take chances. Daring to step outside your comfort zone can truly set forth a momentum of positivity that really enhances self-esteem. Fundamentally, the more things that you try, the more chances you have to succeed.

What have you tried lately that stretches your limits and encourages possibilities?

Give it a shot and see what happens.

He emphasizes the need to listen, eat right, sleep well, set goals, find time for fun, etc, all issues that I have ranted about in Blogland a time or two. However, today, one of the issues resonated with me as I sit here and type of this rainy day.

Each day we wake up and do what we have to do to get through the day, right? Get ourselves ready for work, the kids up and at ‘em, house organized, etc. These are all things that we have to do day to day as they are our responsibilities. However, during the hour to hour scheduling, how many times are we reactive with our day than proactive? What are we doing during the course of our day that is going to get us one step further towards our goals – be it personal or professional? Simply put, are you on the right track towards getting ahead with your life?

As a coach, I hear all the time that my clients have these grandiose ideas on how much they want to get done in a day – professionally or personally – however, life gets in the way. All of a sudden, you sit down to work on a trial you may have on Monday, and another client calls with some issue that needs immediate attention. It’s the constant need to reassess and redirect your attention. Whether you are a stay at home mom, a business owner, athlete, whatever, many times we are not able to get what we want accomplished during the day.

Here are five tips I think are essential to leading a more productive day and stress free life.

1 – Delegate time to catch up with yourself.

As I sit in my office and look at my desk, I realize it is just as important to set aside an hour or two to put things away, file, throw out old papers, basically, set aside time to clean up shop. When you go go go all the time your life starts to show it. (a pocketbook that looks like you could pull the kitchen sink out of it, cluttered countertops, messy offices, old french fries in the car after a McD’s run – you get the picture) These are tasks we tend to not consciously write down but are like nails on a chalkboard every day when you don’t address them.

Dedicate a few hours a week to do these tasks that go to the wayside when you are busy achieving bigger goals.

2. Slow down.

I know, it may sound hypocritical when I talk about time management and then tell you to chill out, but it’s true. The faster you move the more apt you are to make mistakes – thus, make a wrong turn at a light when you are on your way to a meeting with no time to spare or you leave a candle lit and you have to go home to double check which only takes more time. You get my drift.

When you are consciously aware of what you are doing you will do it better.

3. Make list.

Each night before you go to bed, write down what you want to do the next day. You don’t have to go nuts and make it a novel with a detailed version of each hour of your day, simply bullet item your priorities. That way, when you go to bed, you will be processing the best way to do them. It really is true.

Studies show that when you actually take the time to envision what you want your following day to be like, you will be more apt to have a day that is more productive and in alignment with those goals.

4. Schedule in extra time to complete tasks.

If you are like me, you schedule in to the last minute how long it takes to take a shower, get yourself ready and how long it takes to get to the event, for example. For me, I would always say it took an hour to get ready and then I would add the traveling time, etc. However, how many of you ad in the time for distractions during that “get ready” hour? For example, the son who needs a ride to practice, getting the kids dinner ready before you go out to dinner, forgetting that you left your outfit at the dry cleaners, etc. Nope. I don’t and I bet many of you don’t either. So, by adding in more time to do your chores, get ready for an event, etc., you will be automatically giving yourself a ticket to a more stress free life. What is the worst that can happen? You have ten minutes to lay on your bed and take a deep breath or are able to crack open that book that has been sitting on your nightstand for three months.

Whatever you are doing, Give yourself 15 – 30 minutes to do it.

5. Identify the biggest time wasters in your life.

For me, I have to admit, it’s surfing the web. I am almost afraid to see how many hours in a week I spend Googling stuff. In fact, I think I could be a professional Googler if there were ever a title. Whatever the case may be, if you take a good hard look to the patterns of how you spend each day, I am sure you could identify a few things that suck up your free time. When you do that, you can pick and choose how you would rather spend that time. For me, I decided the time I spent sitting on my butt in an office chair reading facts that may not be that pertinent to my life, I will dedicate to the gym. So far, I have found one hour a day to do this when I thought it was next to impossible with the schedule I have with the kids, work, outside obligations, etc.

Give yourself permission to reclaim a bit of your day for personal goals with the time you save on being more efficient. It will get you get you on a goal setting bandwagon that may have gone to the wayside over the years of doing for everyone else.

Just as Todd Smith states – Little Things Matter – and he is right. By following these five simple steps, you will be less likely to get off track day to day. And, when you are faced with that detour sign, you will already know the way to go since you have already been there.

For more information on Todd Smith’s blog – http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/littlethingsmatter?ref=ts

:http://open.salon.com/blog/verbal_remedy/top_rated

I think you all know what I am talking about – it’s that little voice inside your head that tells you how you should be paying more attention to someone when they are talking to you. How you beat yourself up when you have no freakin’ idea as to what their name is (and you SWORE you did!) and then you leave and think, what the heck did he just say? And you end up with a sideshow of a “beating yourself up” session with “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?”

Or, what about the time you go to do a presentation at work and you are just not on your game? You waited for a month to show your boss just what you have and now all you can think about is is how hungry you are and how much you don’t feel like being there. All you want to do and go home, put on a Lifetime movie, eat ice cream and crawl in a cocoon for the night.

What’s a person to do when you cannot get away from your brain for the day? How do you shut up those negative mind chatting Gremlins that are constantly expressing that what your doing, being, saying is not enough. What’s a girl to do?

I know, even as I laid down getting acupuncture today – which is the ultimate mental vacation for me – I had to tell my mind to give it a rest. As I was concentrating on the beautiful classical music I was listening to and trying so desperately to get into the “zone” – (you know, that place where we are kind of asleep but not and only visions of sugarplums dance in our heads) I had work, kids, housework creeping into my brain like a leaky faucet that you hear late at night that goes every so steadily “drip.. drip…drip..”

Geez, I thought, I can’t even relax when I am consciously trying (and paying!) to relax. What is the key ingredient here? Am I missing something? Was I born this way and can the medical professionals fix this? I was starting to panic.

Although I was able to escape to my safe place for a bit (it wasn’t a total waste of money, thank God!) I had a realization. Maybe my problem wasn’t the fact that I had mind chatter gremlins that wouldn’t go away, after all? Maybe my problem that I needed to wave that proverbial white flag and make peace with little buggers, instead?

Wait a minute! How and why was I supposed to make peace with all the negative thoughts that run through my mind that tell me to be, do and say more? Or, was I supposed to make peace with all that I am, did and said? Hmmm….

As my very wise acupuncturist friend, Kelly, said, maybe you need to accept that you had to go, go, go for a while and now it’s your time to try a little cruise control. Meaning, accept that my life has been moving faster than I had expected, make peace with it and all the mind chatter hang over, and baby step myself again to a more relaxing place.

Let me tell you, I should have paid Kelly double for her therapy, too.

So, instead of getting mad at myself every time my mind tells me to be mad at myself for not doing this or achieving that (how’s that for a mind teaser) I will make peace with the battle in my brain.

Unfortunately and fortunately, I am an over-achiever, always have been. I am famous for finishing a project and instead of relishing in my achievement, I am on to my next conquest keeping up a pace that I like to eloquently dub – S.C.C. Self Created Chaos.

Kind of exhausting, isn’t it? But it’s me! And that’s the point, to quiet that mind chatter I have to accept that I am that person and most likely, will always be. Sure I have to consciously make an effort to slow down, but that is how I tick, which is exactly the point!

So, as I sit typing about my hour long getting to know myself session with Kelly, more of my life starts to make sense.

The major key is acceptance. We need to accept ourselves, warts and all.

Instead of giving yourself reasons why you aren’t where you thought you would be in your life today and use it as a podium for a major self-bashing session, flip it around. That is what makes you uniquely you and there is no one else like you; and be kind to yourself for that.

You are as normal as you accept yourself to be.

And when normal does not feel quite so normal, figure out what is throwing yourself off kilter and use that a podium for self-discovery today.

Some of the most exciting journeys are the ones that begin and end with you. Whether it’s a journey of self acceptance or self discovery, I can tell you one thing, some of the most exciting journeys aren’t the one traveled to far away lands, they are the ones that begin and end at the same destination – you.

We went to the funeral, hugs were exchanged, tears were shed, memories were happily recollected of favorite vacations, holidays and backyard parties. But most of all, we all had one thing in common, we knew the world would never be the same again without Ginnie.

Ginnie never said a bad word about anyone, had a special needs daughter that she insisted be socially mainstreamed during an era when that was clearly not the norm. Above all, she was a lady, as she was so eloquently described during one of the most heartfelt eulogies I have ever heard which was given by her granddaughter, Susan.

My point is, when we sit and remember loved ones, such as Ginnie, and reflect on their lifetime (and how they were absolute pillars of the family), I think it is so very important to think about how we can incorporate the qualities we love so much about our dearly departed friends and family into the lives we lead day-to-day. What better way to pay tribute to the foundation to many of our families than to emulate those the qualities we love so dearly about them.

Ginnie taught me no matter what, life goes on. She taught me how to make peace with that. Even during terribly stressful times in our family, she always had a sense of wisdom about her that somehow, everything was going to be okay, and you know what? She was right.

She also taught me to fight the good fight; that life wasn’t always easy. I was to expect that there were bumps and roadblocks along the way and to fight for what you believed in. And for Ginnie, that was her family.

I think sometimes, unfortunately, it takes going down memory lane a bit – even if it someone else’s reflective journey – that keeps us in tune with our present. It’s like a tune-up for our minds that keeps us in the now and helps us prioritize really what is important in our lives. Today, I was reminded of that when I saw my former in-laws mourn the passing of a loved one.

I was reminded as to the importance of family – divorced or not. We are all still intertwined and it is up to us how to make that work, not simply for the kids’ sake, but for our own. Looking at my sister-in-law whom I hadn’t seen in five years, was heavy on my heart as I hugged her and remembered how much of a sister she was and still is to me.

I was reminded of the importance of forgiveness. No matter what, the big picture is (in my life lesson manual) that we must move forward without regrets. I never want to be one those angry old ladies that blamed everyone for all of my misfortunes. We all make mistakes and it’s what we learn about them that matters.

And most of all, I was reminded as to how lucky I am.

As I looked around the church and realized how very fortunate I was to have known Ginnie, it warmed my heart. By connecting the dots of my past and present, my life was starting to make more sense.

It was remembering Ginnie’s life and her past, that gave me the gift of my present today.

“You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now – and nothing can stand in your way!” Jonathan Livingston Seagull

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