“Searching for Dimes” – Transition Tip #19 Finding a Reason to Believe

The boss sings about it.  Self help gurus write about it.  Setting goals is the ideal way to live your best life and most of my clients get that. However, how do you get to the point where you get that gusto to want to be a goal setting machine?

The bottom line is, exactly how do you find reasons to believe when most of what is going on in your life causes nothing short of disbelief?

I have to confess, over the last few months or so, I have become very superstitious. Not the bad kind of superstitious, like worrying about black cats in my path or steering clear of ladders; I have become a believer in luck. This may counteract much of my “you are what you think” mentality and how we control our own destiny stuff, but I have had some fun with this stage in my life. There is a level to my persona that likes to test the barometers of thinking outside the box and to see what happens. This is when my fixation with dimes began.

A good friend of mine explained to me the significance of a “dime sighting” as we call it.  She explained that each time you find a dime, means good luck and a great financial future. She went on to say that it signified a loved one that had passed on was looking out for you.

In the beginning, I have to admit, I thought she might be a little silly ending an email or two confirming her good luck by the dime she found that day.  “Geez”, I thought, “I have heard of pennies being good luck, but dimes? “I hate to say it, at first, I was a dime skeptic.

She continued to find dimes and to be honest with you, she is a dynamic person who really does seem like good luck sits on her shoulder each day – professionally and personally. So, I thought, why not? I was in on this dime thing. Behind closed doors, I was officially proclaiming myself to be the Sherlock Holmes of ten cent sightings.

Ironically, dimes started appearing out of nowhere! On my nightstand when I would go to bed, in the middle of my bedroom floor after the painter had just left (and I swore up and down, that it was not there when I had vacuumed,) and so on. Dimes were appearing everywhere! I was on a lucky streak and loved it!

Each and every time I found a dime I felt that all was going right in my coin-seeking world.

My business had never done better, my phone was ringing off the hook and it seemed that each day, my life was smooth sailing.  I was working out again, sleeping well, new clients were emailing me daily and kids were helping out around the house (and I thought the heavens would part for that to happen!).

This is the life, I thought. Where the heck have all these dimes been hiding? However, I didn’t want to seem ungrateful for their present day appearances and did not want to look a gift horse or rather coin fairy in the mouth.

Until one day, the reality of it all came crashing down rattling me to my coin-hunting core.

A few days ago, I was out on my deck telling my dime story to my kids and a some of their friends. As usual, I had a handful of nay-sayers but mostly, the younger ones were intrigued and wanted in on this good luck venture. Then, I noticed out of the corner of my eye the look my son, Jake, gave his girlfriend. Feeling my stomach churn I was thinking, “He is just embarrassed that I believe in all this stuff” and shook it off. But that wasn’t it as I looked into the big brown eyes of his sweetheart of a girlfriend who simply had to spill it, “Jake did it, Mrs. C.”

“Did what?” I panicked.

“I have been planting dimes around the house for months!” As he expressed in his every so smooth 15 year old demeanor – Not!

“What?!” I said, heart pounding, beads of sweat coming off my forehead trying to rationalize how a kid that doesn’t even pay attention to which end of the bed he is going to sleep on actually cared about his mom’s preoccupation with silver coins.

My daughter, her friends, Jake’s girlfriend, all paused for a moment to see how I would react. Was I going to  hit him over the head with the deck umbrella or shun him from family dinners for a month? What was I going to do?I

You know,  I really was having fun great fun finding those dimes and thinking about my dime guardian angel who put them there. (I was sheepishly thinking of my aunt each time I found one.) That’s when my AHA moment hit me!. Dimes or no dimes, my luck was still the same! I could still say I had a dynamic month at work, my finances were steadily on the rise, and personally, my guy, as well as my kids, were doing terrific! I still was able to own that good luck – dimes or not.

Most of us have good luck charms, believe in silly superstitions and little rituals that we hope to bring us good fortune and hope for tomorrow. And it’s what all of these things symbolize that really matters.

We are finding reasons to believe.

In a world that can throw us a curve ball or two at times we may not feel like taking a swing, look for reasons to believe in your life.  Little moments that create hope for a better tomorrow. It could be the power suit that gives you the confidence when doing a presentation at work, or the belief that a dime means new clients are on the way – at the end of the day, it just reinforces your reason to move forward and live your best life.

So, go ahead, and go out and search for your dimes today. Whether you find two or twenty, I guarantee that you will feel a little lighter, hopeful and conscious of the good in your world prior to your coin seeking days. And, if all else fails, you will inevitably be, without a doubt, at least a few “cents/sense” richer.

Keep the faith,

Patti

“Still at the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe.”

Bruce Springsteen

News and Events

Goal Setting 101 Workshop
“Be Your Own Success Story”
PATRICIA PHELAN CLAPP M.A.
Transition Coach

Thursday February 18th
6:30 – 8 p.m.
Val’s Tavern
123 East River Road,
Rumson, New Jersey 07760
(second floor conference area)

Focus for the workshop includes:
•    Learn tips and strategies on goal setting
•    Key components of a successful action plan
•    Methods on how to reconnect with what matters most in your life – you!
•    Meet people going through similar transitions
•    Success stories from people that have prospered during times of change
•    How to find a goal setting mentor

This is an informal group of goal-seeking and like-minded people that meet every few weeks that seek inspiration and the desire to make the most out of this challenging time in their lives.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
C.S. Lewis

Registration Fee: $35 which includes reading material, pizza and beverage. Send contact information and payment to reserve your space: (spaces are limited)

Patricia Phelan Clapp M.A. LLC
The Piff-Tomaro Professional Building
1704 Maxwell Drive – Suite 302
Wall, NJ 07719
(732) 865-5377
www.positivelifetransitions.com
Questions? patti@positivelifetransitions.com

Patricia Phelan Clapp is a successful transition coach as well as a college writing instructor who has worked with clients from all personal and professional backgrounds. The major focus of her work is to inspire successful goal setting and strategies during times of change.

Ebenezer – The Life Coach: Transition Tip # 18 Remember Your Past, Accept Your Present and Dream About A Better Tomorrow

my website – www.positivelifetransitions.com

As the holidays come and go, one of the most popular remakes we see on network television is the holiday classic called A Christmas Carol. Kelsey Grammar sings about days’ past in the musical, Vanessa Williams reconnects with her long lost friends while Susan Lucci discovers what a Grinch she really is as modern day Scrooge.

As I see it, we can learn a lot from this grouchy, ghost-fearing guy. Exactly what life lessons can we learn from Ebenezer, anyway?

Those apparitions got it right in my book. After all,  I never realized how on target they were! As I humbly admit to being an addict of “Fa La La Lifetime” and know many of these shows verbatim, I never realized how Scrooge’s life lessons gave me the foundation to my coaching business (and I thought I was an original!)

Transition Tip # 1 – Remember your pastJust like how Ebenezer needs to go down memory lane to remember more carefree days, I have my clients do the same. Unfortunately, we all have he potential to become Scrooge-like. Ironically, Ebenezer was not always a “Scrooge”.  Since many of my clients have experienced transitions, like Ebenezer, that may have given them a more pessimistic view of life, I have them gently revisit times past where they were more carefree and simply put – happier. By doing this, they can reconnect with the things/people/places that were enjoyable to restore that twinkle in their eye.

Transition Tip # 2 – Accept your present. One of the most important life lessons that Scrooge experienced was his current reality – how he treated the people that worked for him, the chain of events that took place by having Tiny Tim’s father work on Christmas and so on.  Just like Scrooge, by looking at your current situation and seeing it for what it is, you are most likely to be able to accept it as a means of moving forward. If you are in a constant push and pull with yourself by perpetuating the “blame game,” you will be stuck in that reality.

By taking responsibility for the situation you are in (and are unhappy with) , you will most likely take alternate steps on how get to a better place in the future. For example, if you wake up today and finally admit that you can’t stand your new haircut, I would imagine that the smart thing to do would be to find a new hair stylist in the future. The same premise goes for your personal and professional life. Simply put, if it isn’t working for you then fix it.

Take note of your current reality – what is working for you and what do you need to change? Have you always wanted to go back to school for your MBA? Are you sick of looking at the same pile of CD’s sitting in the corner of your family room (I use this example from personal experience!) or are you missing your date night with your husband? These are all doable tasks that you can fix. But, you will not take the steps to fix them if you do not acknowledge them! By accepting your present does not mean you cannot change it. By accepting your present, as Dr. Phil says, you are “getting real with yourself.”

Transition Tip # 3 - Dream about a better tomorrow. I really don’t think Scrooge would have changed unless he took a look into his future. He was able to see the results of his behavior and it really hit home. Just like Scrooge, we need to think about how we are living our lives TODAY that will result in a better tomorrow. If you keep doing more of the same, you will get more of the same results. Sometimes, we are so reactive to our lives that we neglect to plan them. We simply react to the people and situations around us rather than having a game plan.  You need to think about the daily goals you want to achieve – actually envision the results – in order to obtain them.

As for me, I am not afraid to dream big. It isn’t unusual for me to sheepishly discuss my dreams to the occasional nay-sayer. However, I refuse to let their Scrooge-like beliefs get in the way of my future.  To practice what I preach, I have a vision board in my bedroom that has a whole array of hopes and dreams that if anything, make me happy when I look at them first thing in the morning. I have pictures of my friends and family – those that I am grateful to have  in my life.  Also, on a more playful note, I have photos of castles in Scotland that I hope to visit one day.  As I see it, these pictures give me a road map for my action plan to one night go stay in a beautiful castle (minus the ghosts, thank you very much!)

Take the time today to make a list of the things in your life that are working for you – those everyday tasks/situations/people/ encounters that are going right. Use this as a gratitude list to create a positive mindset for you to take this plan a step further. For instance, if you were excited that you finally ran those 2 miles this morning, why not plan to run a 5K in the spring?

Scrooge was really no different than the rest of us. He was a nice guy who took a wrong turn. His heart was in the right place he just needed  a few ghosts to get him back on track.

Don’t wait for an apparition to show you the way. You have the tools to do it right now.

Think about what things/people/places that used to bring you joy in the past and what is postively working for you in the present. And, think about the “wonderful life” (no pun intended) you want for yourself  in the future. Once you do, ghosts or no ghosts, I guarantee you will sleep like a baby tonight.

**Become a Facebook Fan! Go to Patricia Phelan Clapp M.A. LLC to get more tips and strategies on goal-setting for 2010!

“Shifting Gears” – Transition Tip #17 Believing that You Can Change Your Life is the First Step to Changing It.

www.positivelifetransitions.com – my website

As I was driving in my car yesterday, I was thinking about “themes”  and life lessons that keep reoccurring in my every day life. It seems that each week, there is some kind of thread of commonality that manifests and keeps trying to be recognized – with my clients, my colleagues, my kids, my life.

The theme/word/life lesson that has been coming up over and over again is “shift”. We shift gears, we shift in our seats when we are nervous, we look shifty when we lie; at one time or another, we are all “shifters” (no pun intended). However, recognizing this need to shift is the key. There are times when we are so stuck in our own reality, mindset, routine, whatever, that we need someone to remind us – “Ah, yoo hoo, mister – time to shift now or you are going nowhere – fast!”

Over the course of our lives, we create mental templates for ourselves. Some of us are “go-getters” while others describe themselves as “followers.”  Whatever the adjective you use to describe yourself, this creates little mental templates that we use to form our belief systems and basically, the mindset on how we think and our opinions of ourselves and others.

However, when we are faced with a bump in the road or a brick in the wall (as my previous post stated as a tribute to Pink Floyd), how do we overcome these mental templates that may not have the tools we need to change the way we think or tackle a new obstacle? This is when it’s time to rev up our internal engines and switch gears as to what we believe, think and feel.

For instance, let’s just say you lost your job. Unfortunately, we all know too well how much this affects our lives – with our family, finances, self-esteem, relationships.  You  have tried and tried to understand why you lost your job to no avail.  To put it bluntly, your situation stinks and you need to deal with it. However, it’s HOW you think about your situation that is key to moving forward.

The reality is, you are where you are and there is no going back. The reality is, if you are not loving the way your life has turned out, you need to stop doing more of the same and shake things up a bit. Doing more of the same will only create the same results. You need to change the way you are thinking, doing, feeling, etc – this is called “shifting.”

The hard part is, separating your emotions from this shift. It’s easier said than done. There is no way I can say to my clients (some of which are going through some major life transitions) to simply “deal with it.” That’s not the point. The point is, to look at your situation squarely in the eye and say, “Okay, I accept what is going on and take it for what it is. I cannot change what happened to me yesterday but I can come up with ways on how to change my life from today forward.”

There are three stages you must go through to promote the shift.  Make peace with your past (okay, this is the way it is, I may not like it, but I can learn from it). Accept what has happened, not fight it and try to remain hopeful (I may have lost my job but at least I have skills to help me get another job). Dream about the future (maybe I can get that teaching job I have always wanted instead of being stuck doing financial stuff I have always hated anyway).

As you can see, you may not have achieved a”physical or aesthetic goal,” but you have created a mindset on making it easier to move forward and go for those goals. For example, by changing your belief system and reality at the present moment, you are more likely to put yourself in a positive mindset to move ahead and start successfully achieving your dream job, etc.

As for me, I am still a novice “shifter” but I am working on it. I had the potential for a really crummy day today when I found out that the title of my new book had already been taken! I had a five minute pity party for myself and realized, “Hey sister, you better practice what you preach to online ‘blogland’ or there is no truth to your sermons.” And, my shift began. I decided to call my mom (who, by the way, is an excellent shifter!) and had a 10 minute gab session. At the end of our conversation,  we optimistically surmised that I was pretty darn smart for thinking up a cool title that was already used by a very famous author (that just so happens to be sitting on my nightstand in book version) so – that was that. As a result of this shift, here I am, sitting on my laptop, making sense out of it and coming up with a Patti life lesson that hopefully can bring a some relativity to your life when you are faced with a bump in the road.

So, the next time you sit down to make a list of your goals, take note on how you are going to get an action plan together to achieve them. You may have all the best of intentions on how to check them off your list. If you can do that, then gold star for you. But for the rest of us, before you put that action plan into place, you may need to change the way you think about your life and the challenges that you face from a standpoint of self-awareness, accountability and that of a non-victim role. By doing this, you will be more likely to shift the way you think and create a better, move positive life for yourself.

Tip for the Day – The next time you find negative mental templates emerging that may perpetuate the ever so popular victim mentality – shift your way of thinking. Switch gears and use that difficult time as a tool to challenge your new mindset and belief system and know that you can do anything if you set your mind to it.  You may grind the gears the first time or two, but in the end, you could very well be the Mario Andretti of goal setting.

Happy holidays!

Keep the faith,

Patti

Patricia Phelan Clapp M. A. LLC

Transition Coach

1704 Maxwell Drive

Wall, New Jersey 07719

(732) 865-5377

“Be Your Own Success Story”

Follow me on Twitter – NJSuccessCoach

my website – www.positivelifetransitions.com

Instead of Being the Teacher, Be the Student. Transition Tip #16 – Find Teachable Moments in Your Everyday Life

A funny thing happens when you are teacher, at any given moment, you can become the student. Teachable moments are everywhere.

Being a coach, I have noticed that much of my time is spent is simply listening. A skill that is very underrated in this day and age, I had to truly take part in becoming an active listener to counteract my natural ability to instruct and give advice.  Through this undertaking, I realized that once you stop trying to fill the air with words and make an conscious effort to listen to the stories/lives of others, the world can become a much grander place.

Take Monday night, for example. I have the pleasure of every Monday evening running a transition workshop. This is when we discuss tools on how to move forward during times of change.  We discuss what has worked and what hasn’t in our lives going through career, divorce and other life changes. However, each and every time we get together, I learn a thing or two.

For instance, the lesson I was taught a few nights ago was the value of “memory making”. One of my star clients, Donna, spoke to the class about how important it is to make sure (when going through major changes) that you don’t get rid of all your stuff  aka: memories – in one fell swoop. Although tempted to do so in the heat of the moment, she reiterated to her classmates not to toss everything when going through a divorce.

Geez, that is so true, I thought. How many times do we react in the heat of the moment and later on down the road wish we could take it back all over again?

As the other students nodded in unison to Donna’s teachable moment, I jotted down in my notepad these important transition tidbits. So unaware of her wisdom, I was basically in awe as Donna took center stage that evening and gently told her story of her divorce and the true lessons she had learned along the way.  With each class, I have seen her confidence grow as she has been able to share with us her history (trying to make sense out it all) while she had eager listeners.  And, the funny part is, she had no idea that her role of a student had shifted to teacher during our 5th session. How cool is that?

Teachable moments are everywhere. In fact, there isn’t a semester that goes by when I haven’t learned something of great value from my writing students.  Their narratives are heartfelt, passionate pieces of literature sharing the history of their own lives.  What I love about teaching at a community college is the melting pot of students – from retirees to high school seniors – that creates such an amazing forum to learning about life.

We are so caught up, as a society, on trying to convince, persuade, instruct, and simply talk about our own lives that we leave very little time to learn how to expand our world through listening to others. How many times do you find yourself in a conversation that is one-sided? Do you think it is interesting? Or, are you waiting for the “preacher” to take a breath so you can subtly excuse yourself? Remember that you don’t have to sell yourself to others to convince them that you are a worthy, intelligent, respectable person. You will get more of a positive reaction, I bet, simply by listening attentively.

Especially during times of change when we are refocusing and shifting directions, notice the people in your lives that have made a difference. Ask them questions about how they changed their perspective and didn’t get lost in their own drama. Utilize these people as teachers and mentors to guide you when you may not be sure as to which direction to go. Too often in life we are trying to convince others and ourselves that we are moving in the direction (that were we meant to move in), when we are simply reacting to life around us. Without a plan or goals set, we do not have the direction that we need to make a change. Use listening to mentors as the foundation to come up with new directions and goals. There are life lesson instructors around every corner.

Take the time today to truly listen to those life teachers around you. Whether it is a neighbor, mailman, co-worker, relative, child, student – we have the ability to learn and educate ourselves each and every day.

See what happens when you take the time to listen rather than speak. Silence is the forefront of self-awareness. Give it shot; be quiet and learn.

Keep the faith,

Patti

“Listen a hundred times; ponder a thousand times, speak once.”

Turkish proverb

News and Events -

Advanced Collaborative Law Training Series with Linda Piff, Esq.- coming in January. Stay tuned!

New Year’s Resolution Goal Coaching Packages beginning December 15th -  Get your New Year’s Resolutions started early! It’s your time to shine! www.positivelifetransitions.com – two for one coaching packages!

Business Coaching Special – Online Marketing/Social Media packages – your Twitter, Blog and Linked In “bootcamp” – two hour instruction on how to get your social media/online marketing goals started. For more info – send me an email at patti@positivelifetransitions.com or give me a call at (732) 865-5377

“You’ve Got a Friend” Transition Tip # 15 – Reaching Out and Giving Back

Last night I attended my son’s first varsity football game at the very same high school I went to 23 years ago. As I sat in the stands watching the game, I spent some time reflecting on my high school years and life since then. With so many great memories during those special times when I was a teenager, I wanted to remember them and revisit the “Patti” I was back then. So much of myself was lost along they way (marriage, kids, career, divorce) that I wanted to remember bits of pieces of the “old me”.  Like I said in my previous post, I think it is important to reconnect with your past as a means of understanding yourself better. By recollecting past likes and dislikes, you could help pave the way to a better future.

Anyway, as I was sitting listening to the same old cheers I used to chant on the sidelines (there is something very comforting about that!) I was thinking about my best friend, Susan.  We used to have a blast getting ready for the football games, doing the ancient “touchdown” dance as cheerleaders and simply made it an art being 16.  I decided to let her know I was thinking about her and called her from the game.

Friendships are so important – especially during times of transition. They help find a well needed diversion from the pressures of everyday life, someone to tell your story to, someone to lean on, or someone to simply be silly with when you can no longer shed a tear. During my divorce, my friends gave me permission to simply be me – mascara stained face and all. And then, when I was able to pick myself up from my bootstraps and move on, they were the first ones telling me how proud they were of me.  Now, as some of my friends face their own challenges and times of change, I can give them the love and support they so unselfishly gave me over the past ten years.

Whether you have reconnected with your kindergarten buddy (thanks to Facebook!) or your best girlfriend from the neighborhood, know the value of your friendships. Be thankful for those that care about you and love you. In addition, be aware that you must be very special to have some pretty cool people in your life that support you.  Take time today to take note of the friends in your life. Be thankful and let them know how much they mean to you.

Transition Tutor Challenge - Think about special memories from your childhood and those people in your life that help shape your future in a positive way. Pick up the phone, send an email or make a date to tell them how much they meant to you and still do today.  On things for sure, you will be happy you did .

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you just the way you are.”

Anonymous

News and Events – Transition 101 Weekly Workshops- Piff Tomaro Collaborative Building, 1704 Maxwell Drive, Wall, NJ

Stay motivated and share tips on how to be your own success story.

From more information: – email me at patti@divorcesolutionsforyou.com

**Check out my website for more inspirational quotes and new – www.positivelifetransitions.com**

“A Time for Tradition” – Transition Tip # 14 Remember Old Traditions and Create New Ones

Just when you think you  have heard it all, you realize you haven’t.  In this day and age, when kids (especially teenagers) are being categorized as egocentric beings totally sidetracked with electronic devices along with their own social foibles, we may tend to forget when they do do something right or say something that touches us. This happened with my 12 year old daughter, Maddie, a few days ago.

As always, she ran down the street at 3 o’clock on the dot after a long day at school to meet me at my car. Usually, I can barely get a word in edgewise after hearing her ramblings about her friends, teachers, weekend plans to be made etc., that I usually spend the next five minutes doing the standard head nod many of us moms have mastered over the years. However, this after school experience was different and reassured me  (gotta grasp those “pat on the back mom moments”) that I am doing a fairly good job with my kids.

Maddie came into the passenger seat exclaiming, “Mom, I could barely concentrate in school!” She proclaimed.  “I mean, Thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner and I am so excited I can hardly pay attention in class.”

Here we go, I thought, a laundry list of the “I want this” and ” I want that” for the holidays. So, as I sigh trying to keep my composure I ask, “What’s going on?”

Taking me totally by surprise, Maddie proclaims every so simply, “I can’t wait to see my family for Thanksgiving and Christmas!”

What? I thought.  No detailed description of the new Ugg boots she wants or the latest cell phone? There has to be a catch…..but there wasn’t.

Maddie went on to talk about, in great detail I might add, about  all the big and not so big traditions we do for the holidays – from decorating the tree at her grandparent’s house to the certain shows we traditionally watch each year. From the taste of her Nan’s gravy to the smell of her favorite Christmas candle, her enthusiasm for what the holidays’ stand for was definitely far more important to her than her list of things she wants for Christmas.

Wow, I thought as I listened to her talking about “this tradition” and “that tradition”. Geez, I must have done something right after all!

After my divorce, I was so worried that the kids would only remember the negative things about the holidays – from the empty seat at the dinner table to the minus one stocking hanging over the fireplace – but they hadn’t!  Instead of focusing on what they didn’t have during Thanksgiving and Christmas,  I stepped it up a notch tried to instill the value of family and the importance of spending time together during our time of transition. Wow, I smiled proudly to myself – the kids will happily remember the holidays, after all is said and done.  I wanted to get up and do The Happy Dance but decided to spare my daughter’s embarrassment and role with the moment.

As our conversation drifted from one favorite tradition to another, I realized that what is most important to Maddie, and to myself, I admit, are not only the traditions we instill year to year, but the reasons why those traditions come about. The traditions reflect culture (I am Norwegian so we celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve) and our past (as each ornament represents timeline to our lives).  What we value and hold near and dear to our heart can be symbolized with the rituals of the season.

Overall, Maddie ended up talking about things I had no idea were important to her. Who would have thought a single cranberry candle would symbolize comfort to my 12 year old? But there is something safe and secure about upholding family traditions as well as creating new ones, especially during times of change. With so much going on around you, be it you are moving to another state or have decided to take the plunge into a new career, take note on the importance of tradition to create peace and comfort during what could be a potentially chaotic time.

Over the next month or so, notice the traditions in your life. Remember what they represented to you as a child as well as what they mean to you as an adult. Think about how you have passed along those traditions to your friends and family and how they have been received. In addition, try to come up with some new ones to add to the old. This is a perfect opportunity to create a building block to share with your loved ones as to how much they mean to you. This will not only be the best gift you can give your kids during their times of transition, but it will lay the foundation for a new and better you.

Happy Holidays!

“There’s No Place Like Home” Transition Tip # 13 – Love and Appreciate Your Home

I just got back from a terrific trip – 6 days in Key Biscayne, Florida. For weeks, I have been looking forward to sitting by the ocean, under the palm trees, umbrella drink in hand toasting the warmth of the sun.

A funny thing happened when I got there – despite the lure of the 80 degree perfect sunshiney weather and delicious dinners oceanside, I missed home. After two days lounging around, I didn’t know what to do with myself. “What is wrong with me?” I thought getting stressed over SPF 35 or 50. I have been waiting to do this for months and my life has been so busy at home.  “Do I need medication? Why is this not the bliss I thought it would be?”  My poor fiance, Steve, was a saint the whole trip, thinking it was what I wanted, to be pampered and waited on all week long. This is a modern day Cinderella Suntan Story, I thought.

I guess I had another AHA moment as Oprah would say. Yes, I did appreciate each and every moment of my trip despite the underlying restlessness I felt. However, as Simon and Garfunkel used to say, seasons change, as well as people. I realize since so much of my life has evolved over the past five years or so, and as a result, so has my definition of vacation.

First, I love my job. I really never knew how much until I was gone. Yes, I am able to put the computer away and get scooped into a corny Lifetime movie without much prompting, but it isn’t without sneaking back to my Mac during commercials to finish a last line to my blog or get together a coaching plan for that new client. I guess the old saying rings true, if you love what you do it really doesn’t feel like work now, does it? I like to use my brain and help people.  I didn’t get to do that much on vacation other than adding in how much tip to leave the valet.  I missed the interaction I get as a transition coach day to day and I missed something else, too; I missed my home and kids.

I know, for all of you parents out there that are shouting at the screen – “Come on, a week without kids sounds like heaven!” Well, for some of you, you are right. However, when it comes down to it. I am a homebody that likes to travel. Sounds like an oxymoron doesn’t it? Well, it really isn’t if you see it like I do.

When I travel, I really like to get a feel for the culture and how people live. When I went to Norway back in the ’90s the most intriguing part of the trip was not visiting  Holmenkollen – a location where the winter Olympics were held – it was sitting at the dinner table with my mom’s cousins’ in a home wedged alongside a beautiful hillside in Oslo. I loved seeing how they lived, what their definition of culture was and simply put, how they interacted as a family. Although we didn’t speak the same language, we did when you experience the universal language of how parents interact with their kids, etc. As I get older, that is what intrigues me. The history of cultures, how people and families interact, and what we define as home.

I have had the good fortune of traveling to a fair amount of places -  Europe, the Caribbean and the around the U.S. And with each and every trip, I come back with a newfound love of one thing – my home.

What vacations do for me is give me a breath of fresh air when I need it most. A brief stay in a world of not reality when my own reality may seem a bit mundane or too fast paced. But with each passing day on my vacation, their seems to be a shift on my once “I can’t wait to get the heck out of dodge” mentality to “hmmm, I wonder how the house is doing” to ” I can’t wait to sleep in my bed” by the end of the trip. Come on, we all do it.  You may be at a five star hotel but at some point on your trip, you start to miss the lovingly familiar quirks of your home life.

The Keys are beautiful and I would highly recommend going there to anyone if given the chance. However, in a world so full of “I wish I had this” and ” I wish I had that” we tend to forget what we do have. Vacations help us do that, in my eyes. By taking a step outside our familiar (laundry challenged – still need to redo that kitchen) box – we slowly but surely remember what we do like about our homes, like the comforting smell of that cranberry candle when you walk through the front door or the way your yard looks when the leaves start to change.

One thing is for sure,  you don’t have to spend money to take a trip to appreciate what you have.  Look around your house tonight and remember what you do have. Take note of the things you love and the memories that they hold. Look at your kids and think about all the things that they do to contribute to the warm memories of home. Allow your mind to take a break from the everyday complaints and go on a vacation full of awareness, appreciation and acceptance of how wonderful your home life is.  There may not be frequent flyer miles for this trip but the bonus points will create more peace than any 6 day trip to the Keys can provide.

Be Courageous and Take a Chance – Transition Tip # 12 – Put Yourself Out There And See What Happens.

This theme has been coming up with my clients over the past few weeks – “having the courage to take a chance”. In a world that finds comfort in “more of the same”, we tend to be in a society that has a very big fear of failure. I can honestly tell you that this is an area in my life that has required some major soul searching over the past ten years.

Going from being a stay at home mom to actually trying to implement my “big idea” has been nothing short of terrifying.  Devising a business plan on how to become “transition coach” was the easy part – brochures – (check), website – (check), business cards – (check), finding an office – (check). But, what happens when we actually go out there to sell our product – or the idea we have been so sure would be a big hit? What happens when those teensy tiny “self-doubt” demons seep into our brains and convince us that we are going to be a big failure? How do we combat this fear of screwing up with wanting to go for the goal and smell that sweet smell of success?

It’s easy to come up with goals but it’s hard to actually take the steps to do them.  It’s not only a matter of the physical process of checking off your list as you “do this” and “do that”, it’s the combating our emotional templates.  Many of us simply do not believe that we are worthy of these goals.

Too often, I speak to my clients (especially women) about how they feel unworthy of living a successful life according to their goals and dreams. Many times, they are put last on the list when it comes to checking off those goals. It’s about the house, kids, family obligations, financial need, etc. It’s not about them. This can equally be so for the husband or father that goes to work at 6 a.m. only to return at  8 p.m. simply to do the work cycle all over again.

There are many reasons we don’t take chances or go for our personal goals – it’s the time, the guilt, the pressure to not pick the right “one” in a society that has our labels all figured out for us, or the simple fact we have no freakin’ idea what we want to do when we are hamsters on a wheel existing day to day.

As for my story, it took discipline (and help from a third party!) to simply get in the positive mindset of starting my business when there were so many reasons not to do so – time, money, adversity (my son still says – what the heck is a transition coach anyway, mom?) along with the endless hours of networking and marketing.  I had to end each day knowing I did my best and keep focused on the big picture, despite the twists and turns along the way.

If you asked me ten years ago if I would be where I am today, I would have looked at you like you were on something. However, I always knew I wanted to help people and did always have a sense of feeling out of sync when I was not out there working on a career.  So, I listened to those little voices and took baby steps to put myself out there to see where my goals or “big idea” would lead.

As far as the chances I take, each and every time I write a blog there is the chance I may really get hammered by an adversary or teased by a colleague. However, there is an equal chance that I can help a friend or make one of my clients feel less alone. So, this is the chance I have to take in doing what I do.

Most likely, the good outweighs the bad when it comes to working on our personal goals. Once we get past worrying how the rest of the world will react to our “big idea” we are able to create more solid ground for forging ahead. Most of the time, you will get a gold star from your audience simply but having the guts to go for it.

Life’s about chances and as Jack Canfield states, “how do you you know what you can accomplish unless you try it?” Being you are reading this right now, you are all testimony to my plight on giving a little piece of my story and myself to the very humbling world wide web in hopes of making a difference.

What are my tips on how to get the the courage to take chances that may help you lead a better, more authentic life? Decide what kind of life you want to live. Are you taking the steps on how to live that way? If not, find ways on how to change what you are doing and take babysteps on how to get there. With each babystep, you will be demonstrating the courage to change your life.  Know that you can change your belief system and emotional templates with each step you take. And it is that courage that will give you the fuel to a more exciting and authentic world.

Be your own succes story. Start today.

“Learn to Be Still” – Transition Tip # 11 – Invite Silence Into Your Life.

The other day when I was cooking dinner, I took a moment to listen. I was not consciously listening to anything, I was constructively listening to everything. And I could not believe my ears; Two t.v.’s on (kitchen one included – my only time I watch news), IPods shrieking (thanks to the new IPod Touch with speakers,) two cell phones ding donging to inform of new texts and kids talking! No wonder my head felt like it was going to implode.

So I thought, when did our lives become so filled with noise? And at what moments during the day do we give ourselves permission to welcome in the silence and, as The Eagles so eloquently sung about in the 70’s,  “learn to be to be still”?

I have to admit, I have been a “noise-a-phobe” for most of my life. Ever since I was a kid, I remember banging on the wall to remind my dad to turn down the t.v. while he yelling at his favorite sports teams. (sounds a little hypocritical, right?) With music from late night parties that my parents hosted from time to time, to crickets cricketing in the basement, (one floor beneath my room where I slept as a kid), I have always been sensitive to noise.  At times, I thought something may have been wrong with me as my mom used to exclaim when I asked for her to turn down “Always on My Mind” from Willie. Or, I thought I may have been a little “off” when I chose to go on cricket hunts in the middle of the night so I could finally get some sleep.  I was never one of those kids that enjoyed blasting music at deafening decibels from my bedroom as a teenager.

However, as I get older, I realize the value of silence that I did not recognize back in my critter chasing days. Simply put, I am one of those people that feels better after being silent. I am sure in the meditative world there is a fancy definition for this as well as some cognitive theory that explains why I thrive on peace and quiet. In addition, I have come to realize that our brains are so full of thoughts, feelings, projects, to do lists, etc., that even our minds need a little reprieve, especially as we get older and take on more responsibility.

I remember a few weeks ago I was a little under the weather and my fiance, Steve, asked me what he could do to help. Usually, I don’t ask for help (I know, I need to coach myself on that one) but this time I did.  With wide-eyes I asked him, “can you just please silence the house?” Dumbfounded and amused at the same time, Steve said, “no problem.”  With kids in tow, t.v.’s turned off, meowing cat fed, radio’s unplugged, he said see ya later for a few hours.

Heaven could not be this good, I thought.

With so much going on around us, day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, we are constantly on the move both physically and mentally. By taking the time to rest, be still and take in that well needed silence could be just the diversion we need from a very busy life. It seems we are a society addicted to “doing” – -that when we no longer “do”, we are uncomfortable with it. I know this first hand and continue to work at this every single day.

Take a few minutes out today to be silent and be still. Notice how you feel while you are doing it and when you are done. Discover the focus and clarity that can return to your life when you are no longer trying to keep up with the momentum of your life. By taking a step back, you will most likely be giving yourself more tools to find clarity on moving forward.

Keep the faith,

Patti

*Workshops starting Thursday January 28th

Transition 101 “How to Be Your Own Success Story.“

Thursday 6:30 – 8:00

Val’s Tavern, Rumson New Jersey

(second floor conference room)

• Motivational stories from successful “transitioners”
• laws of attraction exercises
• personal development strategies
• tips from first hand experience from those that have prospered
• Resources from the internet

Deadline to register is January 21, 2010. – $35/class- includes reading material, pizza and beverages.

Questions – patti@positivelifetransitions.com

Send name and registration fee to:

Patricia Phelan Clapp M. A. LLC

Suite 302

1704 Maxwell Drive

Wall, New Jersey 07719

Living Your Authentic Life – Who’s Life Are You Living? Transition Tip # 10 Be the You Were Meant to Be

We all hear this phrase. Live your authentic life. Whether it ’s on the latest self help blog or you happened to be tuned in to Dr. Phil, this seems to be the phrase that can stop us personal development junkies in our tracks. What, exactly, does this mean? If you aren’t living your “authentic life” right now, who is?

Last night I had a great discussion with my good friend about this very subject. I said my goal for 2009 was to do just this – live authentically. Wide eyed, my friend responded with, “me, too!” So, as I pondered over my coffee this morning, I decided to strip this down to what I think living an authentic life means according to Patti.

Rule #1 to finding your authentic self – Give yourself a break and recognize what you do right!

First, get real.  Personally, I need to realize I can’t do it all and really need to make peace with this. My life – single mom of two teenagers, fiance, step daughter to be, two careers, a house that can be organizationally challenged with laundry baskets, one too many stale cereal boxes in the pantry, etc. You get it. I use each and every aspect of this list to beat myself up. Just as soon as I realize I had a very rewarding day at work, I come home to unmade beds and breakfast dishes in the sink and think to myself, “geez, I am a mess.” So, it is so important to shift your thinking in a more positive direction.

Rule #2 – Create more structure and organization with your priorities to make time for you.

In addition,  prioritize and stay organized. I know, this sounds like I am your school teacher when I say this, but it’s true. The more you set your priorities and are more organized with your time, the more you are “on top of your game.”  And, when you feel in control of your time and schedules, you feel better about yourself. (And, when you feel better about yourself, you are more apt to do more for yourself.)

Rule # 3 – Start differentiating between what others expect from you and what you want and expect from yourself.  Once you do, you will realize what makes you happy which will, in turn, help you to live a “truer” life.

To reiterate – make time for what you like to do! So, when you give yourself a break and take more control of your scheduling and priorities, this should put you in a mindset to be nicer to yourself! Remember what you used to be passionate about and as Nike says, just do it! Strip down the layers and peel back the onion of responsibilities as to what other expect from you – all this has been programmed in your brain and you are becoming further and further from your authentic self.

Rule # 4 – Find methods on how to turn off negative mind chatter that creates us from living our life according to our own rules as opposed to that of what we think society expects from us. Whatever it takes, strip down and figure out how to take control of the criticisms we use as our template to live according to someone else’s rules.

Put a lid on the mind chatter. Once you feel like the ghosts of criticisms past creep up on you, find ways to squelch them.  If it takes putting on some music  to drown these negative “nay sayers” from your thoughts, do just that. Call a friend, go for a walk, talk to yourself in the mirror (don’t laugh, I have done this and been snagged by my 12 year old daughter!). Whatever you need to do to keep going in a positive direction, make sure you recognize how often we beat ourselves up over judgments made by others.

One of the most interesting people I have read about is Morrie Schwartz, from the book Tuesdays with Morrie. He so eloquently addressed this very issue in the importance of living your own personal culture. When Mitch, his former student, returns to visit Morrie 14 years after graduation when Morrie is on his death bed, Morrie realizes that Mitch is too caught up in life to experience life. Mitch no longer lives the life that he wanted, but the life that society expected from him (with more money, working hours, more stress). Ironically, Morrie is the one who helps Mitch realize this.

What is your own personal culture? How can you live the life you dreamed of and be your true blue self? Think about who’s life you are living today? Is it yours or the one that you think others expect you to live? Figure out the difference and realize that you have the ability to be the you were meant to be – at any time – any where.  Once you realize the difference,  you are one step closer to your authentic (and much cooler) self.

For more info on Transition Tips, you can visit my website www.positivelifetransitions.com